This is my personal take on how to fix a toxic relationship. As sad as it may be, there are just far too many people in the world who are stuck in toxic relationships without even realizing it. If you’re wondering about how to fix a toxic relationship, you have to remember that the first step to solving a problem is recognizing that there is one. Unfortunately, the thing about love is that it has the power to blind you. Isn’t that true for a lot of people? Have you ever heard of the phrase ‘crazy in love’? It’s true.
Whenever you fall in love with someone, you become heavily invested and attached to that person. Sometimes, that attachment can be so profound that it gets to the point wherein you start thinking and acting irrationally in your relationship. And it’s that irrationality that can turn a perfectly healthy relationship into a toxic one. Whenever you find yourself in a toxic relationship, you must find a way to address it.
Now, if you have overcome the first step – which is to admit and recognize that you are in a toxic relationship – you have to figure out what your appropriate course of action is going to be. Of course, given the individualistic nature of most relationships, it’s always going to be different from one case to another.
There is no cookie-cutter solution to solving toxic relationships. Fortunately, this article is going to highlight the many ways you can choose to go about fixing your toxic romance. Just keep in mind that you need to be honest with yourself throughout the entire process. This is the only way you can get rid of the toxicity between you and your lover.
What are the Signs that You are in a Toxic Relationship?
Again, the first key to solving the problem is identifying that there is one. So, if you’re still unsure about whether you are in a toxic relationship or not, then this part of the article will help you. If you find that a lot of the items listed here apply to you or your partner, then it’s likely that you are in a toxic relationship.
Keep in mind that you can be the tormentor in your relationship without you realizing it. It’s very much possible that you are the one who is being toxic through your behavior. So, try your best to stay as honest with yourself as possible as you’re reading through these potential signs of toxicity.
Here are a few signs that you are in a toxic relationship:
1. Lots of Taking Without Giving
Generally, when there is more giving than taking in a relationship, then it’s a toxic one. Keep in mind that a relationship should always be an equal transaction of give and take. A proper relationship is always a two-way street. When everything seems so one-sided, then that’s where the toxicity starts to prosper. This is because selfishness is one of the most significant roots of any toxic relationship. When one person in a relationship is acting too selfishly, then it becomes straightforward for the relationship to devolve into something unhealthy.
2. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is the act of convincing your partner that they are acting crazy or irrational for you to push your narrative forward. Again, you may be the one who is being victimized by someone. On the other hand, it’s also possible that you are the one who is doing the gaslighting. Whatever the case, this is very unhealthy for any kind of mature relationship. This is because a healthy relationship is built on honest and authentic dialogue. When gaslighting is involved, then all of the honesty goes right out of the window.
3. Refusal to Accept Responsibility
It shouldn’t take a relationship expert to figure out that it takes two mature individuals to make a mature relationship work. When even just one partner in the relationship shows signs of immaturity, it can be tough. One such manifestation of immaturity is when someone refuses to take responsibility for their faults and actions. Whenever that’s the case, then there’s very little accountability in the relationship. That means that progress is almost inevitably stalled for the most part.
4. General Lack of Trust
Any kind of intimate relationship should always be built on trust. When there is a lack of trust between couples, then that’s always a sign of toxic behavior. Some manifestations of a lack of trust involve not allowing a partner to go out without the other or snooping through a partner’s inbox. These are all very unhealthy behaviors that shouldn’t be tolerated in a proper relationship.
5. Constant Criticism
Criticism is okay in a relationship, but only to a certain degree. Sometimes, criticism should be welcomed as it offers room and capacity for self-development. However, it also gets to the point wherein it just becomes hurtful and toxic. Always be mindful of a partner who is continuously criticizing just for the sake of doing so. Criticism should be made out of love and genuine concern. It should never be given out of spite or hatred. The latter is always an exhibition of toxic behavior.
6. No Proper Lines of Communication
Communication is the cornerstone of any kind of relationship, especially a strong and healthy one. So, if you feel like there is a lack of open and free communication in your relationship, then that’s a telltale sign of toxicity. You should always feel free to express yourself towards your partner and vice-versa. You shouldn’t be so detached from one another that you don’t feel it okay to discuss specific topics and issues. No matter how uncomfortable it might be, you should be able to discuss anything with one another.
7. Control and Manipulation
Sometimes, there are just some psychopaths out there who exhibit controlling and manipulative behavior in a relationship. Instead of treating their partners as human beings, they treat them as tools to fulfill their desires. If there is overwhelming evidence of control and manipulation in the relationship, then that is a definite red flag. There is no genuine love when the environment is too exploitative. You would never look to control or manipulate someone you are in love with.
How to Fix a Toxic Relationship – The Key to Eliminating Toxicity
For the most part, relationships become toxic whenever the people in them become stuck in some kind of harmful or destructive relational cycle. This toxicity can be manifested in several different ways, and it’s not always easy to figure out whether your relationship is toxic or not.
Sometimes, a relationship can be toxic in the form of physical abuse. Other times, the toxicity is purely emotional, where there is a lot of manipulation and dishonesty involved. Again, it’s always different for every relationship depending on the people who are involved.
This is why you have to be judicious in selecting your proper course of action moving forward. Some of these tips listed here may apply to you, and some of them may not. Whatever the case, it’s vital that you understand the ins and outs of your relationship fully so that you are in the best position to make things better.
1. See if the relationship is still worth fixing.
Of course, the very first thing you need to do is see if the relationship is still worth fixing. There’s no point in you putting yourself through all the hardships of fixing a relationship that you’re not invested in. Be honest with yourself here. If you feel like the relationship isn’t worth salvaging anymore, then show a willingness to walk away. You shouldn’t be wasting your time on a relationship that doesn’t matter to you anymore.
2. Tell yourself that you are willing to walk away.
However, if you do believe that a relationship is worth fixing, you still have to be brave enough to admit that sometimes, a relationship is beyond repair. Tell yourself that if things don’t turn out the way that you want them to, then you need to walk away regardless of whether you’re still invested or not. This is a way of protecting yourself from your toxic relationship. If the signs are there that things can’t be fixed, then you need to detach yourself from that situation and move on.
3. Identify your relationship’s problem areas.
Then, you have to take some time to reflect on the problem areas of your relationship. Is there a lot of gaslighting taking place? Are you incapable of owning up to your faults and accepting responsibility? Do you feel like there is a culture of all take and no give in your relationship? These are just some of the questions that you need to ask yourself for you to identify what the problems are. Again, you need to figure out what’s wrong before you can fix it. This process might be painful, and it’s not going to be easy. But it’s necessary to making progress.
4. Seek the help of a professional.
Once you’ve identified the problem areas, you need to act to fix them. However, you have to acknowledge that you can’t always fix these problems on your own. Sometimes, you’re just going to have to require the help and assistance of a true professional like a therapist. Of course, your first option can be to turn to friends or loved ones who might have some expertise with what you’re dealing with. However, that might not be enough most of the time. It’s okay to seek the help of a licensed professional to guide you through your problems.
5. Be willing to make the necessary changes.
Naturally, you also have to be willing to make the necessary changes to your relationship if you want things to get better. There can be no room for improvement unless you show a willingness to rid yourselves of the old ways and embrace the new. Keep in mind that change is going to be uncomfortable for a lot of people. So, you just need to make sure that you remind yourselves of what you’re doing this for and why you’re making these changes, to begin with.
6. Commit to the new normal.
Then, you just need to commit to these changes. Remind yourself that a relationship isn’t going to improve overnight. Sometimes, it can take weeks, months, or even years for a relationship to get better. This shouldn’t discourage you. Ultimately, you need to commit yourself to that process. Trust that with your commitment, things are going to get better over time.
7. Walk away if things aren’t going right.
Lastly, you need to muster the strength to walk away if things aren’t going right. You might be doing everything right, and the relationship might still not turn out the way that you want it to. That’s a genuine possibility for a lot of couples, and it could be real for you. When that’s the case, you shouldn’t force the issue.
Be mindful of your emotional health and that of your partner’s. There’s no more room for pride or selfishness here. Sometimes, two people just aren’t meant to be together, no matter how hard you try. If that’s the case, it’s always just better to walk away. This might not be the easiest choice to make, but it’s a necessary one.
